the day

It's a nice sunny day today after three chilly rainy days in LA.
So as I was walking to Gillette, I felt like it was going to be a fantastic day despite my lack of sleep.
I was wrong.

Large Iced Americano 3 regular 1 decaf for my supervisor. Check.
Graphic layout. Check.
Lunch break. Check.
Wet Chicken Burrito for my supervisor. And here is when it started going wrong.
They said they only served wet burritos for breakfast. And they didn't have half of the ingredients he wanted in his burrito. So I called the supervisor to explain and pleaded the cook to wet the burrito with extra salsa. It was crucial. He had emphasized to make sure that I got wet burrito. "Que mas quiere?" asked a lady in an annoyed tone, and they talked to each other in Spanish, naturally assuming I wouldn't understand them. Sometimes it's the best to let people have their secrecy and privacy, so I kept quiet.
Cover the front desk for an hr. And I had the most nerve racking 30 minutes of my intern life.
I had THE owner of the company on line one, wanting to talk to my supervisor, and someone else was calling so I had to take it (no more than 3 rings! I was strictly told). It was one of the producers asking for someone's contact info I couldn't find. Connected line one with my supervisor, kept looking for the info, and two expected visitors came in. Got them water, and called Scott (another intern) to ask where I could find the info. He was on his way. Line two "What happened to the contact info?!" "I'm still looking into it.." Line three, my supervisor. "Hey for the future reference, get me Mr. Evans right away no matter what. He doesn't like to be on hold."
Scott comes in and starts asking questions I don't have answers to saying, "you're the one who talked with her."
Well, Scott is back. I'm done covering the phone, I thought, but he needed to use restroom. And in that short time, a call comes through and I accidentally disconnect the call. Great humored producer goes "Hani, darling, you disconnected the call! Scott get him on the phone for me now. I don't know where he was calling from so try all the numbers."
A while later, Scott goes "so, what happened?"
Sigh...I think Scott began to distrust me.

Burn a presentation on a CD and take it to the Graphic Services, fill out the request paper. Check.
On my way, a cameraman joyfully greeted "nice day, today. How are you?" I couldn't help but smile and reply "good, how are you?" Aaaaaaaaah I wanted to cry...
I'm nervously waiting for the booklets, hoping I didn't mess up on that one.
Oh please, God. Have mercy and make those booklets perfectly pleasing to my supervisor's eyes.

casting

You know, I once thought of becoming an actress. Although I'm a terrible liar and own a horrible poker face in real life, I always loved acting and was heavily involved in plays and acts up to high school. But meeting so many great aspiring actors in LA, I'm almost ashamed to say that I wanted to be an actress.
For Jason's short film casting, the actresses had to prepare a monologue and sing a capella. And most of them were AWESOME, both in acting and singing. For the short film that I was assigned as a producer, actors performed a little scene with our reader (also an aspiring actor, who looks just like Zach Ephron, and he knows it), 1. how they interpreted the scene 2-4. with director's acting directions. Oh my..they were awesome. Some of them definitely stood out more than others but really, I was mesmerized by most of them.
It is unbelievable all the time they are putting into a student short film, for small and big parts. All the driving in the rain (apparently, people in California don't know how to drive in rain since it hardly rains here, and it miraculously rained today), hectic, horrifying parking situations, waiting forever for a 3-5 min. audition, and no payment.
Beautiful people. My respects.
Seriously, I don't even know how it is possible to have so many mediocre famous actors on screen (let's not name names. Well, let's: KeRe, JoCu, JuSt..OrBl is trying..I still have faith in him) when all these beautiful people are waiting for their chance.
Too depressing to be true.

dishonesty

I'm just gonna say it: I've often considered myself as a nice, social, well-balanced person.
It was only a few days ago that I discovered that I could be grumpy in presence of people other than my family. And last night I discovered that I often agreed with people just to avoid further discussions (okay, Alvin, maybe not so much with you).

When I started translating for mission groups and seminar speakers, I was still young. I would be interacting with a group 24/7 and I would think they would forever remember me. But of course, that rarely happened as they parted back to their busy lives after a week of missions, and I'd be pouring my time and heart to different people almost every other week. Then I was tired. I was tired of so many people taking my heart and not giving anything in return. Not even a hi. So I learned how to interact with people without being too attached to them.

I'm not too proud of my skill of befriending many people without emotionally being attached to them. Don't get me wrong, I deeply care for my friends and will be there for them no matter what. But no one really knows what's going on in my life..internally.

Two nights ago, I had one of the most amazing conversations with Esther. I started the conversation of "a girl meets a boy" and God led it to an intimate spiritual conversation. We ended up talking about tongues, prayers, and spiritual manifests. What a gracious night. But it also reminded me of the fact that I hadn't opened up myself with someone else for too long.

Maybe I'm not that nice after all. Maybe I'm just so used to please people that I naturally look nice. Or maybe by pleasing people for so long, I have become nice.
Maybe I'm not that social after all. Maybe I've acquired social skills only to avoid pouring my heart out to people.
Maybe I'm not that well-balanced after all. That's the compliment that my parents and close friends often gave me, but maybe I managed to deceive everyone somehow. I constantly question God for many things that happen in the world and in my life, without being able to balance my own principals and actions.

But I'm trying. To genuinely be interested in people, and to start opening up little by little. To admit that I hate being vulnerable. And not to be afraid of being vulnerable. To be honest. To be crystal clear with my friends, as clearly as my expressed emotions on my face. To let and invite people into my life.