Grace Getting Married

"Congratulations,"I said to the rabbi-looking guy two seats away from me.

Because some empty seats were available, a flight attendant had asked me to move to a different seat so the heavier couple could travel five hours more comfortably. I gladly moved to where she pointed to, where there would be an empty seat between me and the wise rabbi. As soon as I sit, he asks the flight attendant if she could move me to somewhere else. I get it. I'm not welcomed. He hadn't slept for two days, he says, see, his daughter got just married.

"I'm coming from a wedding too," I continued.

"Your daughter's too?" He asked without any hesitation, thank you very much.

"No. A close friend's."

Grace Jeong has been married for awhile now. Grace and her husband Joe decided to have a wedding reception in New Jersey, for those who could not attend the one in Korea in January. I first saw her in the bride's room at the reception, not having seen her for over two years. She looked like a Mrs. Kwalk, in her Korean traditional dress Hanbok and all curled-up hair, touching up her make up. Then I met Joe for the first time--he seemed like a sweet romantic guy I'd been hearing about, and had seen in pictures.

They had a cocktail reception first, where a variety of warm and cold food and bars were available. The siblings, Angela and John, greeted the guests by the entrance, and the couple in their Hanboks greeted and briefly talked to them inside. James, Harah, and I were asked to take pictures to document this memorable event, so we kept ourselves busy, while feeding each other.

After an hour or two, we were led into the dining room, and we went to the designated table. Lit candles, classic songs, beautiful flowers greeted us, as we waited for the couple and their family to enter. And when they entered, we gave a big applause (I think I might have screamed. A lot.) and they dance. GRACE gave a classic waltz performance. Unfortunately, I forget the songs they danced to, because I was too nervous for her. She was nervous in her now-changed short white dress with an elegant hair pin, in the hands of her husband, trying to compose herself. It was beautiful, full of emotions.

Then as they sat, Angela, John, Dan, and I were asked to give speeches leading to a toast to this lovely couple. And I don't quite remember the details before and after this: Grace and Joe kissed. For a looooooong time. Or it seemed like a long time.

Now, some of you may remember how sensitive Grace was with touching. If you ever got a two-armed hug from her (as opposed to one armed, which she mostly did), you are lucky. She even hesitated to shake hands. So from what I remember, this kiss was a shy, yet passionately loooong kiss. Harah and I went "aaaaaaww! aaaw aww awelfuhlskdjfgnkjhalerug!!"

"Get married soon, so we can talk!" Grace emphasized several times. She feels with all the right reasons, that she has reached the next and the most important stage in her life. And its experience can not be shared as other subjects would, with those without experience. But in the meantime, I'll be here for when she needs a good listener, a friend, and a sister in the US (her two sisters are in Korea).

Grace is fun to be around.

She endlessly came up with random things to say and do, and all of us enjoyed being around her.

Grace is talented.

She had come to the States to pursue further studies in Church Music with pipe organ being her specialty. In front of the pipe organ, her small hands and feet would gently yet powerfully touch the deep range of its chords, creating a magnificent melody echoing in the biggest auditorium in campus.

Grace is direct.

When she got hooked to the Maruchan Vietnamese sauce, she would tell me to use only a little bit of it so she can save more for later. She would tell me how grateful I should be that she'd share her then-favorite-chocolate Almond Hershey's. Before she left, and I was all teared up, she would tell me how much she'd miss me, and how much she appreciated.

Grace is married.

remembering mi tio Ventura

"Adam had looked at Samuel in his casket

and knew that he didn't want him to be dead.

And since the face in the casket did not look like Samuel's face,

Adam walked away to be by himself

and to preserve the man alive."

-John Steinbeck East of Eden

2010 Closure

"But then you wouldn't be able to get attached to anyone," I said when Eunsoo explained the way NBC's "Sing-Off" worked.
"You do. You really do," Eunsoo said with a satisfied smile.
And that was the night I started.

I've always found A Capella fascinating, and this show flourished my kin to the genre. Most performances gave me chill and an oh-my-gosh-how-did-they-do-that smile in awe. I clapped along the audience, as if I were there, I grooved along the singers, and oh man, was I attached. After two episodes. Two episodes. Was it after four episodes? When I started to get attached to Will and Evan on So You Think You Can Dance?

Mind you, I'm so attached that I haven't been able to watch the final episode. The only one that America gets to judge, supposedly (I'm somewhat very cynical about this): I don't want to see a winner group, especially to find out that my least favorite group would win, because, well, let's face it, they're the largest group by this point, and they all would have many many friends, because they seem like cool people. Is this here where I should say that there's no spoilers in this post?

Here's my favorite, favorite part of the show: their swan song. They don't have those cheesy teary goodbyes they do in most of the competition shows (American Idol, ehem). It's soooooo dear, classy, lovely, and fun sometimes. And they're doing what they're great at: singing a capella. Geez, how I love it. You can just tell, by their closure to the compeition, that they have grown already, that they are thankful, and that they don't do regrets. "What is there to cry for?" they seem to say. "I've paid my dues, and I'm leaving inspired to grow, and to be better. So goodbye, y'all."

It's the end of the year, and many things happened. Yes, things always happen. But hey, I graduated! (so I can go to grad school some day.) I'm working now! (No. Not the kind of job that would save me money to go to grad school anytime soon.) Alvin and I are dating! (Yeah, yeah..you were all right. You all saw it before us.) I moved to LA! (and Alvin to Korea, hence the friggin long distance relationship.)

While I was in college, heck, even before that. As I was translating in big and small stages for conferences and seminars and church services, I imagined I would shine on the larger stage called Society. And to somewhat degree, I may have in college, thanks to its size (uhm, small), and to its kind and encouraging people. And I pridely thought that I would shine even more, that I just needed to find the right stage.

As I was watching "Sing-Off," I found myself paying more attention to the background voices. The little 'bum-bums,' voice cellos, and harmonies that are set to shine the lead singer's voice. Courtney is my favorite character by far in the show, the way she moves and beatboxes. Some of you may know that I TRIED (please note the emphasis on "tried") beatboxing and, and if you do, you know how that went. So all my respects. Plus she is so pretty and cute!
Jeremy, Jerry, and Committed members make my heart ache. Their passion, love for music, and commitment. And I look at myself. How shine without any effort or commitment or passion?

I once told Eunsoo that I admired her for going after her dream, what she loves doing, and is so fortunate to be so good at it. And I meant it. I'm experiencing what happens when a person, the kind who's always tight on schedule, loses a sight of her lifetime goal. Things seem meaningless. But I've done way too much whinning this year. I'm getting back on the track, now. Inspired by "Sing-Off," and the witty David Sedaris. It's time for me to say goodbye to my somewhat gloomy 2010 a la "Sing-Off."

"What is there to cry for?" I say. "I've paid my dues, and I'm leaving you behind, inspired to grow, and to be better. So goodbye, you 2010."

compromises

I think it happens about twice a year.

I call up my parents frequently, something I neglect to do so often, to ask for some advice and prayers. It was about transferring schools in my freshman year. It was about where to spend vacations. It was about getting a car. It was about what to do with the used car. It was about how to get to places. It was about getting another used car. It was about job offers. It was about a job I didn't get. It was about loneliness. It was about my future plans.

Small decisions gear the bigger ones,

and the bigger ones can be life-changing.

There are regrets and "what-if's," but life goes on.

Too many compromises in life, for it to go on in a safer way.

I used to be told that I could do whatever my heart desired to, and I believed it. I thought I could and would do whatever I put my heart to.

But this society says that I can't. It shows me that it cannot be done.

"What does your heart really desire anyway?" it whispers.

"I don't know! I don't know anymore!" I cry out, and I compromise.

this is what i do

"What do you do?" Many people ask: college friends, LAFSC friends, acquaintances, family relatives, friends of family relatives, and as an introductory question when meeting new people.

I work at a nonprofit organization called Good Neighbors.

And this is my job description:

• Works to sustain positive and mutually-rewarding relations between the Good Neighbors USA and its donors.
• Oversees the facilitation of donor recognition and assists in the coordination of various fund raising events related activities for potential donors.
• Oversee events logistics
• Compose letters, compile appropriate invitation lists for events, engage featured program participant, create event programs and provide program materials
• Establishes and manages donor information tracking including acknowledgments, recognitions, on-going communications and continued cultivation of past and current major donors to enhance relationships with children or projects sponsorships.
• Increases the likelihood of continued contributions through personalized mailings of progress report, newsletters, and reminder letters.
• Design, develop, manage and execute the bi-annual sponsored child progress reports.
• Collaboratively work with Development Director and Director of E-Marking Strategy.
• Update donors in both print and Web-based publications.
• Additional office support as needed.

Although the organization is really big, having offices in almost 30 countries

worldwide now, the one in Los Angeles is fairly small (a lot smaller than most offices in the field) since it just started a couple of years ago. And one of the perks of working at a small office is that I get to asked to be involved in many other things that may not fit in my job description, allowing me to learn more in depth about nonprofit organization's structures and mechanics.

I am thankful for the work I do, reminded each time as I go through the updated pictures of the children from our field offices, going through their handwritten or drawn letters for their sponsors, and when I read encouraging notes from our sponsors. I have learned a lot, and am in the process of learning more, trying to make the sponsors happier with their heartly donations.

downtown art walk

I got a condom for the first time. For free.

If Miracle Mile art walk got me free entry to LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Arts), downtown art walk displayed all sorts of art in its living form. Not losing sight of the friends in the midst of the busy streets itself was an art.

As soon as Isis pointed at her favorite building in downtown, my favorite Jay-Z song, "Empire State of Mind" started playing in the food trucks lot we were heading to. Surrounded by skyscrapers' lights, the unusual chill breeze, and inspired by the sweet melody, I felt like I was in New York. Then the oh-so-yummy smell. The lot was full of food trucks, and as Joe put it, it was about which ethnicity to go with--Argentine, Vietnamese, Korean, Chinese, American, Greek, Brazilian, Italian--all in fusion trucks (for instance, you'd ask "wanna try Korean taco or Vietnamese taco?" instead of, "you want beef taco or chicken taco?"). Not only were there meal trucks, but also boba tea truck, dessert truck, smoothie truck, among others. I could not have asked for more. And ironically, here is where Peter and I decided to try Dtox for 10 days, to go with a healthier diet. Just like good Los Angelinos.

Few photography, fun modern sculptures, cool pottery, distinctive drawings, awesome recycled art, and as usual for me, incomprehensible paintings. As if the art work display and music performances in galleries and on the streets were not enough, this culture salad of a city showcased a wide variety of people and their lifestyles. A group of people chanted, drumming, hopping around the streets in their distinctive clothing, a barber shop cranking hip hop with a DJ, hosting a dance party, many many people handing out flyers of their upcoming event or for the cause they believe in.

"Free cotton! Free cotton!"
I heard, and I happily accepted one.
"What is this?" I opened it looking for the cotton, nowhere to be found.
But there was something else, with something that read: Planned Parenthood.
"That's what they say," Joe said.

my keeper

"Two to Tango" by Louis Armstrong played in my car as I drove to work from LAX, after saying a tearful goodbye to Alvin. The song that I used to bounce and dance to sounded so cruel then, left alone, again, in this deserted city.

Mandy Moore was playing this morning on the way to LAX to drop Sam off, the joyful, creative, smart, tech-savy one in the family. He was here for 2 days and a half to visit me, and I was happy, laughing at his jokes and listening to the Dordt news, feeding him the food he missed, giving him a brief tour of Hollywood.

"It's Sunday today, huh? Let's listen to some Christian music instead," Sam said in a joyful tone, like the good cheerful brother I've always known. I asked for him to put Fernando Ortega on, he put him on shuffle. "I should look him up. I like him," Sam said after two songs, just like the good lifelong friend I've always known.

I don't exactly remember since when, but saying goodbye to Sam has been hard. I always wish I could have been a better sister when we were together, and that I would have given him everything he needed. Then I feel alone. And "Give Me Jesus" by Fernando Ortega played.

In the morning, when I rise. Give me Jesus.
And when I am alone. Give me Jesus.
And when I come to die. Give me Jesus.
You can have all in this world, but give me Jesus.